ur Please remain calm, en av novellerna i Things you should know:
And what if I truly gave it up, if I said, yes it is a beautiful day, yes I am incredibly lucky - one of the luckiest men in the world. What if I admitted it, you are my best friend, my favourite fuck, my cure. What if I say I love you and she says it's over. What if that's part of the game, the dance? I will have missed my moment, I will be shit out of luck - stuck here forever.
"Why do you put up with it?"
"Because this is not you, " she says. "It's part of you, but it's not you. Are you still going to kill yourself?"
"Yes," I say. Yes I am, to prove I am independent, to prove I still can. "I hate you," I tell her. "I hate you so much."
"I know," she says.
My wife is not without complications of her own. She keeps a baseball bat under her side of the bed. I discovered it by accident - one day it rolled out from under. Louisville Slugger. I rolled it back into place and have never let on that I know it's there.